Posts Tagged ‘Grief’

Grief Lingers On

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011


April 6th marked the 14th anniversary of my husband’s death. Fourteen years and I have survived, although I miss him still. Thoughts of him bubble up during unexpected moments – one of his favorite sayings – a familiar gesture – a deep sense of loss. I received an email message this morning from someone I do not know (through the Veriditas Listserve) which aptly captures some of my emotions.

News of Death

Last night they came with news of death
not knowing what I would say.

I wanted to say,
"The green wind is running through the fields
making the grass lie flat."

I wanted to say,
"The apple blossom flakes like ash
covering the orchard wall."

I wanted to say,
"the fish float belly up in the slow stream,
stepping stones to the dead."

They asked if I would sleep that night,
I said I did not know.

For this loss I could not speak,
the tongue lay idle in a great darkness,
the heart was strangely open,
the moon had gone,
and it was then

when I said, "He is no longer here"
that the night put its arms around me
and all the white stars turned bitter with grief

by David Whyle

Cancer Catches Us Unaware

Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

Iím looking out my windows at the gorgeous orange hues reflecting off the mountains as the sun rises and another day dawns. My scattered thoughts come together into one huge unanswerable question. ìHow can this be?î The title of a YA book I read years ago keeps appearing in my mind. Life. Is. Not. Fair.

My sister-in-law, Claudia, Dennisís wife, has been diagnosed with Stage III Ovarian Cancer. She is undergoing biopsy surgery now ñ as I am writing this. The ìgood newsî will be if the cancer is contained in the ovaries and can be surgically removed. This would, of course, be followed with months of chemo and radiation. The ìbad newsî would be that it is Stage IV meaning it has spread to vital organs inside her body. In that case, there would be no surgery and they would try to keep her comfortable and out of pain for the next couple of months.

Claudia recently celebrated her 55th birthday and retired after serving over twenty years as a middle school librarian in Jefferson County School District. She has been looking forward to a much deserved rest ñ but in the meantime, she has continued to care for her mother who has had breast cancer for more than ten years. Claudia has been there for several bouts of chemo and radiation with Alice who is now in hospice care in her own home. Claudia and Dennis and Denae are the primary care providers.

Why are memories rushing in? The most significant is my trip to Disney World with Claudia and Erica to visit Denae who was working there as a ìcast memberî. Claudia is an organizer. She arranged for our hotel rooms, our meals, our entertainment. I just went along and enjoyed. I did introduce the girls to valet parking when we went out to high tea, however.

Several years ago Linda and I traveled to Durango for Ericaís graduation from massage therapy school. Once again, Claudia had taken care of all the arrangements for our stay and the celebration.

There are many other memories ñ meeting Claudia at the Thompson Valley High School field to watch her son Jonathan in band competitions, stories told with Claudiaís dry sense of humor, family get togethers Ö.

Please join me in prayers for this family ñ Claudia, Dennis, Denae, Erica, and Jonathan.